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So you want to be a CAUSEY...

We're pleased by your interest. The ultimate goal of THE CAUSEY WAY is to multiply and prosper, of course, and we can't do that without you. There are, however, a few matters of procedure necessitated by our continued attempts to form a strong CAUSEY foundation built more upon the distinctions of quality than the vagaries of quantity. In compliance with CAUSEY, then, you will promptly complete, detach, and submit the following Judgement Form, which will be processed, evaluated, and categorized into one of the three rankings, available to you at this time: Category C, Category P, or Category X.

The categories explained...

Category C: CAUSEY. Your application has been processed and approved by authorities at The CAUSEY Compound. You are privy to future CAUSEY events, invocations, and exhortations. You will receive further information, which will guide you on your path to CAUSEY. (See THE CAUSEY WAY, Chapter 12, "Do all paths lead to CAUSEY?") You will learn the secret CAUSEY genuflection, an invaluable tool for identifying other CAUSEYS. You will receive guidelines for obtaining the ordained CAUSEY canonicals. You may also be eligible for CAUSEY Cash.

Category P: Probationary CAUSEY. This category represents a Purgatory of sorts. CAUSEY has not judged you completely useless, yet your CAUSEY potential needs to be honed and developed before you can access the CAUSEY canon or fellowship openly with CAUSEYS. Study THE CAUSEY WAY, establish Category C role models, follow CAUSEY's instructions, and perhaps you can achieve Category C status.

Category X: Not CAUSEY. CAUSEY has evaluated your Judgement Form and ordained that you are either an active, malevolent threat to THE CAUSEY WAY or, of perhaps no fault of your own, you are hopelessly, tragically Not CAUSEY. You will be denied access to any further CAUSEY events, information, or intercessions.

Instructions For Filing Judgement Form

Fill out the following with a clear mind, and honest heart, and a No. 2 pencil. Fill in all answers and make your mark dark. If you make a mistake, erase your mark completely and make a new mark.

Forward your completed Judgement Form, a current photograph of yourself (suitable for inclusion on your CAUSEY WAY identification card), a $1.99 processing fee + 1 shipping and handling (cash only) to:

THE CAUSEY COMPOUND / ATTN: Judgement Processing

P.O. Box 90131

Gainesville, FL 32607

Note: Failure to include your photo or processing fee results in immediate and irrevocable Category X status!


Official Judgement Form

Current Pagan Name: _____________________________________________________

Proposed Causey Name: ___________________________________________________

(CAUSEY will either approve your name or assign you one which is to CAUSEY'S liking.)

Address: ________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________

Email: __________________________________________________________________

Check the Appropriate box to designate whether you think the following items are CAUSEY or Not CAUSEY:

  CAUSEY NOT CAUSEY
SCIENCE    
PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION    
BULK FOODS    
JELLO BIAFRA    
THE "NATURAL" LOOK    
FAMILY    
CINNAMON TOOTHPICKS    
LILITH FAIR    
CLOROX    
PEAVEY    
"CAT IN THE HAT" HATS    

NOW TELL US A FEW OF YOUR OWN:

Three CAUSEY Items: Three Not CAUSEY Items:
1. __________________________________________ 1. __________________________________________
2. __________________________________________ 2. __________________________________________
3.___________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________

On a separate sheet of paper, compose a brief essay (typed or neatly printed) answering the following questions:

I, the Undersigned, do hearby attest that all the above information is true. If CAUSEY deems me worthy, I will deny my past (including family, work and wardrobe) and forevermore walk in the way of CAUSEY, submitting myself to his omnipotent will and all-encompassing love.

______________________________________________________________________ ___________________