Dear Mama Causey,

I'm writing this because I'm concerned about my little sister, Chantel. I try to be a good role model and I want to teach her as much as I can about life, The Causey Way, and music. I take her to ACE services, buy her CDs, make her mix-tapes, and give her fashion advice (she is a nursing student so luckily, she wears white every day). But I fear all my efforts are in vain.

The last time I spoke with her she was telling me about how a song by some band called "Creed" is "really awesome." I spotted an 8x10 black and white glossy of one of those Backstreet Boys in her dorm room. When I took her to the ACE service last month, she addressed The Button as "Dude." (I was so ashamed.) _THEN_ she asked me to help her fill out her Judgement Form.

As much as I am trying to guide my poor sister, I can only guide her so far. I tried to explain the Judgement form must be filled out with a clear mind and an open heart. But that only made her angry.

I took her to a show a few weeks ago and when the opening act said they had 7"s for sale in the back, Crabtel asked, "What's a 7-inch?" Mama Causey, I almost cried. Worst of all, Mama Causey, worst of all, she asked me if I heard about this person called "Papa Roach." Mama Causey, I don't know who this Papa Roach fellow is, but I get a creepy feeling every time I hear his name. As if he's evil, or worse yet, Category 'X.'

My sister should be out record shopping or going to gigs instead of instant messaging people or hanging out in "chat rooms" or looking for Papa Roach on Napster. Next thing you know she'll be watching MTV and WWF, wearing a j-croo turtleneck/sweater combo like a preppie, and dancing to Cypress Hill's "I Wanna Get High."

Mama Causey, you always know what's right. Please let me know if there is anything that can be done about my sister. Was she always lost?

Yours Very Truly,
--Concerned in Cleveland

Dear Concerned,

You do seem to have so many concerns! Perhaps the relationship with you sister would improve tremendously if you got her name straight. Chantel/Crabtel? I think she has probably noticed this.

Love and Hugs,
Mama Causey